Fear and loathing in Memphrica.

Not even the end of May, technically, and already the weather has begun to heat up. I should, like, totally be prepared and used to the heat by now, but I'm like, totally, NOT. I HATE it with a passion normally ascribed to certain members of the government and various administrations; I loathe this sticky, lung-filling, oppressive heat the way I loathe the smell of garbage, asparagus, and rancid meat. Come June, most years, I turn the air down as much as I can without freezing out other members of the household and begin to walk around in as few clothes as I feel comfortable answering the door in, should anyone come calling. I take cooler showers and am generally in a foul humor until about October, when the leaves turn and the air smells of fires and football. Fall, I love. Winter, I glory in. Summer, I want to stab with a knife and deflate.
This year will be no different, aside from what seems to be an extra two or three weeks of heat. Weather.com says our forecast for the next 10 days includes heat, oppressive heat, very little rain, and more sticky humidity-laden heat.
I grew up in Florida, another reason I should be prepared and acclimated to the climate. I always joke that Florida only has two seasons-- hot and hot-as-hell-- and to that end, I suppose I could be grateful for the modicum of cooler weather we tend to experience between November and early March here in the mid-South. But because I'm me, I'm only grateful for that for a few hours a year, because the rest of the time, I'm too busy bemoaning the humidity and pollenated air to remember that, at some point, however brief, I will be able to pull out the sweaters and jeans without suffocating. I'm not much of a shorts kinda gal anyway, so summer weather for me still means capris or jeans, an occasional dress, and tank tops of the white-trash variety. I just can't dress for the season, so I try not to go out into it any more than I absolutely have to (ase in point: we've been in hibernation most of this weekend, because in opening the door to step out we choke on the thickness of the air. Then, tonight, it blessedly rained it's proverbial ass off!!!)
If you need to find me, for any reason, I will be on the couch with a Mojito, a good book, and in my undies. And don't be offended if I'm not exactly happy to see you. It isn't you, I promise.