Some of my friends know I've been struggling with a bit of an existential crisis the last few months. After not being accepted to any of the schools to which I applied for doctoral work, I resigned myself to going back to work-- and soon. Not that I don't want to work, but I have been in preparation for two years to move on to heavier, more involved work at the doctoral level, and to bust my ass for so long only to be turned down, four times, is a bit deflating.
At any rate, it's been about a month and a half since I got my last "no" letter for school, and since then, I've been working hard at several things: finishing my thesis and defending, getting the rest of my school work done, and applying for jobs. Any job, really, though I'm rather picky. See, now I have an extra $30K in student loans to pay off, in addition to I don't even know how much from before. But being as how I now have 2 master's degrees and almost 3 years teaching experience, I didn't count on much trouble finding another teaching position. I applied to two different school districts as well as a bevy of non-teaching positions. I interviewed with (assistant) superintendents, and a couple of principals.
Yet here we are, and still no job. I cannot understand how in the world it could take this long to call potential teaching candidates about interviewing for positions that are already open. Nor can I understand how, after a particular interview goes very well, I would get no follow-up phone call, email or letter in the mail regarding the position. The lack of professionalism, coupled with the agony of waiting around with my thumb up my ass for a phone call, is almost too much to bear at this point.
See, our lease is up soon, and I really would rather not stay in this house for another year. The kitchen is too small to turn around in, the ceiling fan in our room is broken, and there's a hole in the ceiling above Madeline's bed that hasn't been repaired yet. Our landlord won't let us make any changes to the property, nor will she pay for any improvements like, oh, I don't know, SOD in the front yard. We are also responsible for maintenance of the yard, which is covered in leaves and those nasty little worm-looking things right now, making it tough to enjoy these early spring days.
All that to say, we want to buy, but can't do so until I get a job. We also have to give said landlord 30 days' notice, so if I get a call in late June, we're effed for getting out of here before the school year starts, and as those of you with family and job obligations are aware, trying to move during the school year is just not pleasant. So sure, there are self-imposed deadlines and complications, but can I really be blamed for wanting to (finally) own a home and live like responsible adults?

I feel really lost and frustrated about the entire situation. I'm not really the praying type, and therefore it seems rather hypocritical to pray that I get a job. I leave that to the church ladies in the family; so far, though, it isn't working. I've had a couple of really good interviews, and nothing has come of them. I can't understand why, if someone knows they have open positions, they would choose to wait until the end of the summer to hire people. Are they waiting for the freaking Golden Child or something? Truth be told, I'd rather not teach high school again, but if I'm not going to be a student anymore, I should do something more than answering phones and opening mail for someone else. I have too much education to waste on a job like that, and I have too many financial obligations to take a job that can't pay them.

I've just been really sad about it all today, and it seems like every time I get my hopes up about something, even just the slightest bit, I get a huge jolt of-- I don't even know what. I've spent the last 6 months preparing, stressing, waiting, and I just want some good news. Soon. Before I go absolutely insane.